Love Song

Somewhere 50 years from now
There's a home with warm pillows
On wide soft couches
And sunlight
And a big King Sized bed
And hers and hers bathroom sinks
And slippers - her's purple and orange, her's pink
And photographs of vacations
New Year's Celebrations
Graduations of Children
From Acclaimed Institutions
And there's a window nook
With space for Two chairs
and a small table just big enough for
her pot of tea and her glass of kombucha
And there's a chihuahua that she talked her into accepting
In exchange for the 2000 square foot performance studio in the back
Where she records her tracks about how lucky she is to
Have what she thought she couldn't ever have
Double the halves of what she thought was possible...

And 51 years from now, there will be a first anniversary
Which will be followed very closely by a fatal coronary heart attack
But life will not have completely lacked the
co-existence of
self-sustenance and romance.

But really I sit here indulging images of vacation photos I will never own
And decades of coming home alone
And knowing that I chose this
That the love of my life who makes me the most happy
Is at once faceless and filled with thousands of smiles
Is one that I can never take home
Is one that is totally full of caprice
Is one that will never really know me
is one that I can never know actually
Is one that knows me slightly but loves me completely
Is one that I feel so secure with
Is the only place where I feel truly at home, truly best self

The place I always feel alive
Healthy
Productive
Like I'm not cheating
Like I don't want to hide
Is where the lights shine hot
And the people surround me
And nobody knows what's going to happen next
Including me

Totally free.
Just me.
And a few hundred strangers.
Totally free.

Well, as free as things get for me these days...