Girlie Girl

She went searching for her self
In all the corners of her life
And she didn't know it was hidden
Under the bookshelf with no light.
So it sat there growing mold
And it festered and it bruised
And it waited for her to wake up
And stop being so confused.

But dizzy is as dizzy does
And girlie girl couldn't know what she couldn't know
So the story of her life was
Absent of her ego.

She walked through hallways and down sidewalks
Like any other sister or brother
But she was unlike any other
But she couldn't even bother
To notice her sheen in the screen
'Cause she absofuckinglutely knew
She was
Unseen.

And ghosts don't have lives
And shadows don't breathe
So why would she need air?
There was no one to believe

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out she came one day from underneath her bookshelf
She had scrapes and broken bones and bloody gashes on herself
But she pulled her body down the hall
Passed the soon-to-be past at a crawl
She worked her way to the door
And she whispered under her breath "no more."

She reached up for the door knob
She turned it just enough
She threw it open to the light
And she pushed the screen door rough.

And as it swung open
She quickly skittered out
It slammed shut fast behind her
And now she began to shout

No more!
No more!
No MORE!
NO MORE!

With each shout she healed a broken bone
Each word erased a bruise
Each syllable cleaned up all the blood
She knew she had nothing more to lose.

Standing now on the porch of what would be the house that was never a home
She strode confidently down the stairs and headed out to roam
The world and shout
No More!
No More!
No.
More!
More!
More!
More!
And More!
And More!
And More!

She screamed - she couldn't get enough
She wanted so much more in life, she soaked it all way up
Into her Lungs
And into her Heart
And into her Mind
She would never leave herself behind
From this day forward
She held herself
Carefully in her strong arms
And never again
Never again
Never
Again
Would she let it ever be harmed.

Forty-Third Chances

I just started reconciling with a friend. We had a major falling out that, not surprisingly, I thought was his fault and he thought was mine. It turns out, again not surprisingly, that it was both of our faults.


If I forget the path we've shared
To get here
Would you remind me
Would you turn me around and show me the organic kale trail
That we've left behind us as we walked together
Together
To this point
Because, I forget
And then I get
I get
Angry
and
I forget
That we climbed over mountains together
And that you helped me over that ravine
And we balanced each other over the rocks through the river
And I'll do the same for you
Turn you around to see the trail of carrot tops
We've left behind us on our way to the top
of this Precipice that, at first
and second
and third
and fifth
glance
Looks so precarious
But is actually just another challenge
For us
And I don't blame you for leading us here
And please don't blame me for leading us here
We left the map at home
Well, not actually at home
Well, actually, there never was a map to begin with
Well, actually, there wasn't actually a starting point
There was just this meeting of paths
And this sudden decision to walk alongside each other
And then some kind of inevitability to walk the same path
And there were points at which I should have taken my own detour
And you probably had those points too
And we could have trusted that we would have found eachother after a while
But we didn't and so we have this trail of carrot tops and kale behind us
To remind us that we got here together
For worse or better.

Yes. It's a precipice.
And you could turn around and go your way.
And I could jump.
Or vice-versa.
But I'd sorta like to do this together.
So, whaddya say?
Wanna do this? Rise to this challenge. Helping each other
Without leaning too hard, white knuckled.

And if we choose
with Intentionality
to jump, maybe I want to leave half-eaten garlic cloves in the air behind us
which will happen to criss cross with whatever you leave...what...in the air behind you
And when we land our paths will criss cross as they do
Mine with yours and yours with mine.
And then things will be
Well...
It may seem too simple
But you like simplicity
Then things will be
just fine.

Or maybe I'll jump the precipice and you'll climb down it and we'll meet at the bottom...or somewhere deep in the forest.
Just
Can we agree
That we'll
Remember
Or Remind each other
That we're friends
Traveling partners
Friends
That we're together
in some Whatever-way-that-works-for-us Manner?
Even if we don't see each other for weeks or months or years
That we remember our connection when the other appears
That we tap into that that day?

Whaddya say?

Paradigm of Inclusivity

Disclaimer: I was on a total awesome roll and intend on getting back on it. I've been sick the last three weeks -- and in the middle of that celebrated the beginning of my 40th year! (aka 39th birthday.) I am sooooooo excited (no joke) to be in my 40th year.

Pardigm of Inclusivity. Without getting into the nitty gritty - or maybe I will. In the MSW class we're learning about paradigms -- ways of thinking shared by large (LARGE) groups of people that inform their behavior. According to my professor there are traditional ones (paternalism, whiteness, privilege) and alternate ones (these are harder to name - diversity is one, feminism was posited as a response to paternalism - hm).

First off, I take issue with the idea that feminism is a response to paternalism in that feminism doesn't mean that women take care of men - that women are the breadwinners and deciders. It posits that women are equal to men and deserve equal rights, pay, treatment, etc. Maternalism would be the "alternate" to paternalism. This was something that a friend of mine came up with. I just thought that "Equality" would be the alternate. But maternalism works better.

After speaking about the paradigm of diversity (the concept that there are many different ways of approaching life), we were asked what other alternate paradigms there could be, I offered:

The Paradigm of Inclusivity.

I was asked what that meant. I responded: Everyone is Equal. Everyone is Included. No one is left out.

This was challenged in the group. It caused confusion in some. It was suggested that this was not a paradigm that was held by many. I responded that its held by millions in the East (a point that I'm not exactly sure is absolutely factual).

But I've been thinking about this concept: The Paradigm of Inclusivity. Who does it apply to? Everyone?

Ax Murders?

Everyone who obeys the laws?

Conscientious Objectors?

Everyone is doesn't hurt anyone else?

Domestic abusers who are struggling?

Where is the line? Inclusivity means everyone is included. Well, it means "inclusion" which, according to dictionary.com means "including a great deal, or including everything concerned; comprehensive" (2nd definition).

So, the Paradigm of Inclusivity could mean everyone who does not hurt anyone else. But then, what do we mean by hurt? Impede? Destroy?

I have a feeling I'm going to be pondering this one for a while.

It was also suggested to me that this concept is idealistic. (It may have been me projecting or interpreting negatively, but I truly felt that the word "idealistic" was being used in an every so slightly pejorative tone.)

It may be a idealistic. It's also a vision.

Writing

Writing is a process of self-acceptance

There isn't a target with excellence at its center to aim for

Writing is so much more

It is the willingness to give in to voice

To allow the odd or obvious choice

To fill the page

To fill the screen

To fill the stage

To fill the room

Zoom out of the womb

Where things are comfortable and safe

And go wherever and to anyplace

Your fingers, your imagination, your mind, your heart takes you

This is how to write from you

From your heart

From your gut

From your mind

This is the groove, the zone, everyone talks of

It comes from self-love

Not from books about writing or how-to's

It comes from being true to you.

Maybe you think orange rhymes with florange

And that florange is a type of flower

With the power to make people love one another

And that your sisters and brothers

Should eat that flower and bring themselves

Closer to each other in a wellspring of happiness.

And maybe you don't believe in rhyming.

Or.

You.

Think.

That.

poems.

need.

formatting.

Maybe you believe that metaphors are extra - too much

Or that metaphors are the touch of angels in the springtime of your mind.

Whatever your feelings about whatever you can think or feel

If you are true to yourself and you express it in your own way

You will create something beautiful and it will be poetry.

You Know You're Doing SOMEthing Right...

...when you hear that someone hates your work so much that they call you a cunt.

TEE HEE!!!

Ok...so maybe I'm supposed to be totally offended or something -- or I'm supposed to have this really sobering response like, "Obviously, I've hit some kind of button in Jane Doe and this is an opportunity to reach out and to make things clearer, smoother, better..."

...a learning moment...

And...

And...

And...

All I can think of is that my existence pisses someone off so much that she called me a cunt behind my back and it got back to my front and I couldn't be MORE thrilled. (I mean, I could be more thrilled, for example, if everyone on the planet were jiggy with being jiggy with each other, etc... but barring that...I'm thrilled because:)

If I weren't STANDING UP FOR SOMETHING THAT REQUIRED CHANGE then NO ONE would be resistant or angry at me or threatened by me.

Well, at least this is the old school way of looking at impact. Maybe it's sophomoric. (No insults made toward sophomores). But it sure seems like I'm doing something -- I mean it feels as much like I'm doing something as when someone tells me that someone is doing their college project for class on me (yeah, that happened this week, too). Cool!

I stand for inclusivity and truthfulness and self-acceptance and self-love.

I stand for all people being permitted to express what is in the hearts.

And I know, in my heart of hearts, that I don't think this person is anything but possibly threatened and upset by something I represent to her -- who knows what that is. And that if there were something I could do to reconcile the situation, I would, but I don't think that this is possible in the near future.

I actually see the advent of my finding out about this exchange as being a real blessing. 'Cause while I've always *thought* it was best to keep my cool, I didn't realize how out of sorts and vulnerable one becomes when one's cool is lost. I feel so centered in the midst of what could be an emotional hailstorm.

I am sorry that my work or whatever representation of my work this person has come into contact with has made them upset --- I don't revel in this, in specific. I wish for them some kind of peace - hopefully, in some positivity - something, I guess I would, arrogantly, identify as positivity.

This person is not my "other."

I've got my "other" cut out for me. More on this later...

Power to the Peaceful and Love to All...